Nesting Creature

 We have been in Rabat for a week now. We are staying at this beautiful restored Riad which is perfect for our family, larger than any other place we have ever lived in as a family. Life here feels right; this is how families ought to live. As someone who has a deep appreciation for living spaces, their functionality and aesthetics, our living arrangements have always been a big deal to me. I usually go above and beyond to make our living spaces functional, pleasing to the senses, comfortable and safe for my children. For a week I have been fully enjoying the privilege of being here with my children, my husband, and my mother-in-law who is visiting us (thank God!). But today all of the sudden I am filled with sadness and feel incomplete. This setup reminds me of the life I want (particularly after the last 3 months of non-stop traveling!). All I can think about is my dream home, a home of our own, one I can arrange, decorate, maybe even renovate to my heart’s content. One in which my children can build childhood memories, one in which I can one day watch my grandchildren grow up. I want this so badly, I long to have a home of my own with every bone in my body! And in that home I want to create the best version of our lives, and be the best version of my self. I am sad because my children are growing and my dream doesn’t seem any closer. Part of me thinks I should let go and focus only on all the wonderful blessings I do have, but part of me tells me not to lose focus of this dream. Life is short after all and I am reminded of that every time I realize how rapidly my children are growing. Since I reached my thirties I have been feeling this urgency to live life fully and actively work to fulfill my dreams. Having my own nest to me seems like the first step in that direction. I am a nesting creature… always have been.